The Man Behind The Camera
by NakeBenihime
Summary: The Shinigami Men's Association has a juicy photograph of all the shinigami women wearing bikinis at the beach! The fanboying commences as they try to uncover the mystery of which lucky shinigami man was behind the camera...


_**The Man Behind The Camera**_

**Just to explain, the "photo" of interest is the color spread of the Bleach ladies in bikinis from the **_**All Colour But The Black**_ **art book, as well as from some chapter in the manga...**

"_Oh, WOW!!_ This is _an amazing_ photograph!" hollered Lieutenant Kira, out loud, in the small meeting room, otherwise known as the men's bathroom. He and his Shinigami Men's Association fellow members huddled around a rather exciting photograph of several of the _ladies_ frequently found around the Seireitei.

"_You're hogging it! I wanna see! I wanna see!"_ shouted Lieutenant Oomeada, as he grabbed the eight-by-eleven inch glossy, full-color print from Kira's hands, smudging it with his greasy fingers. "Check out the jubblies on Rangiku-san!"

"No kidding!" echoed Lieutenant Hisagi, as he yanked off his cool, gangster-style sunglasses and zoomed into the photograph for a closer view. "I can see _even more_ of them than usual..."

"Man, Hisagi-kun—you're a pervert!" said Lieutenant Iba, shoving Hisagi away with his over-grown elbow, as he snatched the photo out of Oomeada's grimy paws.

"Me?" shot back a bewildered Hisagi, "What about you? You talk about Rangiku-san's boobs before every single meeting we have! They're always the number one topic on your agenda!"

"—You guys are pathetic!" interjected Lieutenant Abarai, with a booming voice, "Look at all of you. You're turning into goo just because they're all wearing next-to-nothing. I'm ashamed to even know any of you guys!"

"Don't act so high-and-mighty, Abarai-kun," scolded Kira, "We all know you're just as curious about this photo as the rest of us. Besides, don't I see your _beloved _Rukia-san in here?"

"Shut-up, you!" shot back an irritated Renji, "Hinamori-kun's in there just the same as Rukia, so don't _you_ go acting all high-and-mighty yourself."

"Abarai-san," started Lieutenant Iemura, folding his arms over his exposed chest, "what are you doing in one of our meetings? Have you finally decided to join us?"

"No, I just..." Renji began to say—

"—He just found out about this photograph and he really wanted to see it!" said Kira, breaking out into a good-sized chortle.

"Did any of you notice Lieutenant Kotetsu?" asked Oomeada, pulling the photo up to his eyes again. "Check her out—she's _freakin' stacked!"_

"_Seriously?!" _chimed all the men in unison upon this declaration, as they all simultaneously bent over further towards the center of their huddle to inspect the lady in question.

"Wow, I never realized that," said a tickled Captain Ukitake, "I'm so used to her little sister, Kiyone-chan—I never noticed that Isane-san was _so_ beautiful!"

"Hey, don't anybody wanna know who took this here photograph?" asked Iba, suddenly, as he stood nearby the huddle very composed, arms folded across his bare chest. "I heard it was some dude from one of the Divisions."

"Really? How do you know that?" asked Iemura, standing up straight while fiddling with his gangster-shades.

"Lieutenant Kusajishi told me after they got back from the beach trip, that a dude went with them and was taking their pictures, which is why I have this little gem in all ya'll's faces—ya dig?"

"Whoa, check-out Yoruichi!" blurted Renji, his eyes bugging out of his head, "She looks all shiny. Somebody must've oiled her up!"

"Or, maybe she just put the sun-tan oil on _herself,"_ said Kira, "Nice perverted imagination ya got there, Abarai-kun! _Down boy!"_

"Hey, if you look closely enough, you can see that Lieutenant Ise has lost the top to her bikini in the ocean!" energetically observed Iemura, right before Iba whacked him bare-fisted in the face for making such an observation.

"I thought, since everyone else was...," began Iemura, but he quickly gave up and let his head droop towards the floor, _"...Nevermind..."_

"Hmm...Maybe it was Captain Kuchiki," suggested Hisagi, stroking his chin, "It's my understanding that the Shinigami Women's Association has been making a target out of him recently. Perhaps they somehow convinced him to join them that day, since they were all going to be wearing scanty swimwear, and all..."

"I doubt it was him," interjected Renji, "If you look at Kotesu, although she looks uncomfortable, I know she would have been acting so much more so, if my captain had been the one behind the camera..."

"Why do you say that?" asked Hisagi.

"Because, I have good reason to believe that she's has a huge crush on him," said Renji to a shocked crowd.

"She does?" asked Kira, "How can you be so sure?"

"Because, she comes around us a lot, and whenever she's near the captain, she acts really different, glances at him often, which he seems completely oblivious to, by the way...Besides, Rukia would never show that much butt-crack if her own brother were the one taking the photo!"

"Good point, Abarai-kun," conceded Kira, stroking his own beardless chin. "Maybe it was Captain Hitsugaya. Rangiku-san could have easily brought him with her, ya know?"

"No way it could have been him, either," said Renji, "You couldn't pay him enough money to set foot on a beach, let alone hang out and take pictures of people!"

"So, who's the lucky snoop dawg, who's so ghetto, he gotz to go on the phattest beach trip of all time?" asked Iba, rhetorically, in his best Hiroshima accent, as he furrowed his brow at the ground.

"I wanna know why I wasn't invited!" blurted Hisagi, more concerned about himself for the moment.

"I wanna know why you get mad at us for talking like _that_, Iba-san, but it's okay if _you_ do it?!" said Oomeada, his eyes beginning to narrow.

"Hmm...I suppose we'll never know the man behind the camera. It's hopeless..." lamented Renji, his face dropping with disappointment.

"—Hey, you guys! I see you found my photograph of all the ladies in their swimsuits! I left it with Squad Seven so Lieutenant Iba would bring it with him to your next meeting, and then I could share the bliss with _all_ of you! Great idea, right?"

"—_Hanatarou?!..."_

Hanatarou for the win...

...The End.


End file.
